Peer Support Guide

Trainer

When you support someone in your community, you are doing important work. This guide will help you listen well and know when to refer someone to professional help.

1Listen actively

Give the person your full attention. Put away your phone, turn off notifications, and face them directly. Make gentle eye contact to show you are present, but do not stare — some people find that uncomfortable. Nod and use small phrases like "I see" or "go on" to show you are following along. Do not interrupt or rush to fill silences; sometimes a pause is what someone needs to gather their thoughts. Your calm, steady presence is more powerful than any advice you could give.

2What to say

Use simple, honest words that show you care. Try phrases like: "I hear you," "That sounds really difficult," "You are not alone," or "Thank you for trusting me with this." You do not need to have all the answers — just acknowledging someone's pain can make a real difference. Reflect back what they have told you, for example: "It sounds like you have been carrying this for a long time." Avoid jumping to solutions unless they ask for advice. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it took courage to speak up.

3What NOT to say

Some well-meaning phrases can actually cause harm. Avoid saying things like: "Just be positive," "Others have it worse," "You should be over it by now," or "Everything happens for a reason." These words dismiss a person's pain and can make them feel guilty for struggling. Do not compare their situation to anyone else's — everyone's suffering is real to them. Resist the urge to say "I know exactly how you feel," because each person's experience is unique. Instead of giving opinions, focus on being a safe space where they can express themselves without judgement.

4When to escalate

If someone talks about harming themselves or others, or if they seem unable to care for themselves, it is time to involve professional support. You do not need to handle a crisis alone — that is not your role. Calmly let the person know that you care about them and that you would like to help them talk to someone who is trained for this. If the situation feels urgent, stay with them and call a crisis helpline together. Trust your instincts: if something feels seriously wrong, it is always better to act than to wait. Escalating is not a failure — it is the most caring thing you can do.

5Taking care of yourself

Supporting others is emotionally demanding, and your own wellbeing matters just as much. After a heavy conversation, take a moment to check in with yourself — notice how you are feeling in your body and mind. Talk to someone you trust about your own feelings; carrying other people's pain in silence can lead to burnout. Set healthy boundaries: it is okay to say "I care about you, but I need a break right now." Make time for activities that recharge you, whether that is a walk, music, prayer, or time with friends. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup — looking after yourself is what makes you able to keep showing up for others.

6How to start a conversation

If you are worried about someone, do not wait for them to come to you — gently reach out. Choose a quiet, private moment when you will not be overheard or interrupted, such as a walk together or sitting side by side. Start with something simple and non-threatening: "I have noticed you seem a bit down lately — is everything okay?" or "I just wanted to check in with you." Avoid public settings or times when they are rushed or stressed. Let them know there is no pressure to talk right now, but that you are here whenever they are ready. Sometimes just knowing someone has noticed and cared is enough to open the door.

7Supporting someone over time

Recovery and healing are not one-time events — they happen over weeks and months. After your first conversation, follow up with a simple message: "Just thinking of you — how are you doing today?" Consistency matters more than grand gestures; a short regular check-in shows you have not forgotten about them. Respect their boundaries — if they do not want to talk on a particular day, let them know that is completely fine and you will be here when they are ready. Remember that your role is to be a caring friend, not a therapist. If you notice things getting worse despite your support, gently encourage them to speak with a professional — and remind them that doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness.

8Working with professionals

Sometimes the best thing you can do is help someone connect with a trained counsellor or mental health professional. You can say: "Would you like me to help you find someone to talk to?" or "I can sit with you while you make the call." If they are nervous about a referral, explain what to expect: a first appointment is usually a conversation where the professional listens and asks some questions — there is no judgement. Offer to accompany them to their first visit if that would help them feel safer. Share the contact details of local services so they have them when they are ready. Remember, connecting someone with professional support is one of the most valuable things you can do as a peer supporter — it does not mean you have failed, it means you are helping them get the right kind of care.

Key Emergency Numbers

Sumithrayo— 24/7 emotional support & crisis helpline
1926— National mental health helpline
1938— Women & children helpline
1990— Suwa Seriya (emergency ambulance)